


you make me scared of death (i don't wanna let you down)

by Symph_5683



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, beau confronts her mortality, happens before the last 20 or so minutes, no beta we die like purple tieflings, spoilers for c2e125
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:56:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29507250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symph_5683/pseuds/Symph_5683
Summary: It has been a long day and Beau needs to talk about it.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 3
Kudos: 100





	you make me scared of death (i don't wanna let you down)

**Author's Note:**

> warning for discussions of death

It went unspoken that none of them would sleep alone. When they grouped off for rooms for the night, the assumption was that Beau would go with Yasha. Not even Veth made so much as a comment when Yasha went off to the room marked “expositor”. Not tonight. Not after today. 

“Hey,” Beau says, entering their shared room a few minutes later. It’s a little nicer than the rest of their rooms but hey, titles come with perks after all. She usually holds herself with a sense of confidence but tonight her shoulders too tight, her strong gaze too forced. 

“Are you doing okay?” Yasha is sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of the bed, with the borrowed sword in her lap. 

“Oh yeah, I just had some things to talk to Caleb about so we can finally get our date,” she smiles and her voice goes up a little too high. She leans up against the door, arms folded across her chest in an attempt to seem calm.

Yasha meets her eyes, her face full of silent confusion.

Beau misinterprets her, “If you still want to, that is, it’s totally fine if you don’t want-”

“No I want to,” Yasha interrupts her rambling, “I just meant about earlier today with Yudala.”

“I’m fine,” she speaks quickly, her voice once again a tad higher than normal. 

“You can tell me, Beau, you don’t need to pretend nothing is bothering you,” _ not with me.  _ Her voice is soft and comforting which almost makes Beau more wary.

Beau takes a deep breath, slides down the door until she’s sitting on the floor. She wraps her arms around her legs. With another deep breath she stares up at the ceiling, banging her head slightly. “I never realized what had happened was  _ wrong _ . It always struck me as odd that an organization so intent on rooting out corruption would accept bribes but how would I know anything different?”

Yasha watches and listens. Beau rarely talks about her emotions like this and there’s a bittersweetness to being the one she’s willing to talk to.

“And then to find out things were being done to address it- that they’re actually taking action- it feels freeing, in a way. But it’s also utterly terrifying. Going to court? Holding a trial?”

“Beau I- we’ll all be there for you when it’s time, you don’t have to do it alone.” Of course they’ll go. They were family.

“That’s the thing though. We might not make it to trial.” 

“Beau-”

“We could die out there, Yash,” she looks over at Yasha, almost glad her eyes are too watery to actually see from so she doesn’t have to see her face, “Full stop. No resurrections. No almosts. Actual death.”

Beau looks down to her lap, her fingers pulling at the frayed ends of her belt from the reserve. “I wasn't afraid of death until recently. I had shit parents, a shit teacher, and no friends. No one would have cared.”

“But then i started training with Dairon. We became the Mighty Nein. I became an expositor. And now we have us. People care about me now. I can’t die, not with everyone counting on us; not with the people who care about me,” she wipes her eye with the palm of her right hand.

“You’re scared of letting people down, even in your own death,” Yasha deduces at last.

“How can I not be?” tears roll down her face as she starts to wrap up into herself again.

Yasha stands up in front of Beau without a word and puts her arms out, silent mix of permission and a plea. A desire to comfort her where words fail. To make everything feel okay for even just a moment.

Beau rushes to Yasha’s arms and sobs. “I don’t want you to lose me too,” her whisper is barely audible, “I can’t do that to you.”

“Beau-” her voice breaks, “I would never hold that against you, that wouldn’t be fair.” She starts to rub Beau’s back in slow circles, “But most importantly, I’m not gonna let you die.”

“But what about Lucien, what about the eyes? We have no idea what’s coming next. Any move we make could be our last,” she cries into Yasha’s chest.

“We have a lot more power now, and we got magic items that will help. We know what we’re getting into this time.”

“What if he does it again?” Beau’s fingers brush over the minor bruising on her neck.

“I’ll kill him.” Yasha says plainly. 

“But he was your best friend.”

“Any faith I had of Molly still being in there died when he had his hand around your throat,” for the first time today Yasha’s voice sounds cold. It goes right back to soft when she says, “you slept without dreams on the mountain.” She cups Beau’s face and guides her up to look in her eyes, wipes her tears with her thumb, “it’s all gonna be okay.”

Beau’s face feels so small in Yasha’s hand. “Everything’s just happening so fast. I don’t even know what day it is anymore we’ve been back and forth across Exandria so many times.”

“I know, I know, it's terrifying and so overwhelming but there’s nothing else we can do tonight,” she starts taking Beau’s hair out of the ties keeping it up. “We can worry about all of this in the morning. We need rest now, okay?”

“Will you stay?” Beau’s voice is small and scared.

“Of course I will.”

Most nights they would fight over who slept on the floor. Most nights they’d both end up kicking themselves in the shins over not sharing the bed. Tonight is’t most nights though. Beau can’t uncling herself from Yasha longer than it takes to take off their bulkier clothes to sleep. Yasha knows this won’t last long and by morning Beau will feel okay enough to return to her usual confidence. Tonight, though, she is more than happy to let Beau cuddle in close. Soon she’ll awake to another nightmare from Beau, but for now she’ll revel in the peace of just being them.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Have a great day!!


End file.
